Q. Why did God give liberals annoying, whiny voices?

James Delingpole:

A. So that even the blind could hate them.

This is one of my favourite jokes from a new book published today called 365 Ways To Drive A Liberal Crazy. Modesty forbids me from naming the author but if you buy it in sufficient quantities I can offer you his cast-iron guarantee that not a penny of the proceeds will be spent on anything remotely worthy or eco-friendly.
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Yeah, all right, I admit: the author’s me. The book is written with some feeling because, having reached middle age without ever once having gone through a socialist/bleeding heart phase, I am aware that my entire conscious life has been spent being made to feel I’m a bad person by people on the liberal-left. And now it’s payback time. I want to make liberals – that’s liberals in the US sense of the word (I wrote the book for an American audience not a British one, so if you’re not American save your money for Watermelons) meaning pretty much everyone of a leftist or ecotard hue – to be made to feel as uncomfortable as they have made me. I want to give them a verbal waterboarding.

But not a literal waterboarding. And it’s this which is one of the quintessential differences between liberals and conservatives – as my so-called rival Dan Hannan pointed out in a characteristically acute blog post the other day. In case you missed it, or are not altogether sure who Dan Hannan is (or if he even exists) here’s the relevant bit:

A glance at any online political forum will reveal how much more readily Left-wing posters use phrases like “evil” and “I hate” than conservatives do.
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Like most conservatives, I do not wish any of my liberal enemies dead. I want them alive, the better that I may tease them and laugh at them and expose the idiocy of their ways.

As Margaret Thatcher said: “The facts of life are conservative.” And they are. Never a let a liberal forget this. It’s something liberals hate more than anything in the world: that no matter how hard they try and how much they show they really care, they will always be wrong about everything that matters.