Born Again Redneck's Daily Duh!: The "sixth sex"

Thursday, January 15, 2009

The "sixth sex" - American actresses

While we were driving back to the farm from the trailer park yesterday, Andy and I were talking about movies on DVD to rent. He mentioned that he'd like to see "Mama Mia." I said I wouldn't mind as I like Abba but I can't stand Meryl Streep. Sorry, but that snooty prune face just shrivels my cojones and, when she starts with those phony accents, I break out in hives and want to call Joe the Plumber to unblock her nostrils.

We got talking about women. I said, "You can't live with them but you can't live without them." Then we talked about beauty. I told Andy that I always found Aries women sexy. There's just something bold and ballsy about them. Maybe "ballsy" is the operative word. As the lesbian writer Gertrude Stein said: "There are fives sexes: heterosexual men, heterosexual women, homosexual men, homosexual women and American women." Well, to me there's a sixth sex: "American actresses" and bold, "ballsy," bright-faced Aries actresses, to me at least, epitomize Stein's "American women."

I mentioned Aries Jane Fonda to Andy at which he groaned. But really Jane was a babe in Barbarella.

Before she got mixed up with the likes of John Kerry and became Hanoi Jane.

To me, she's still a looker at the age of 70 and, in my mind, all she needs is a good spanking to teach her not to be such a naughty girl. (Oops - I guess I told you too much about my fantasies.) Hanoi Jane at Cannes last year aged 69. Hmmm - she's starting to look like her handsome father. Uh-oh - what does that say about me?

I then told Andy that I also thought that other Aries woman, also a commie, Susan Sarandon, was gorgeous.

Even when she starts looking like Bette Davis in "Baby Jane."

Talking about "Baby Jane," Bette Davis was also an Aries woman and she also was beautiful in her youth but Andy's a puppy and only remembers her as an old hag.

Well, talking about Aries woman got me thinking so, when we got home, I Googled "Aries actress" and this is what I found.

Of course Andy does not even know who Mary Pickford was. (For his enlightnment: she was a silent movie star known as "America's Sweetheart." She was also a dynamo; a co-founder of the film studio United Artists and one of the original 36 founders of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. She married Douglas Fairbanks and their house, Pickfair, was famous for its dinners parties attended by Charlie Chaplin, George Bernard Shaw, Albert Einstein, H. G. Wells, Amelia Earhart, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Noel Coward and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.)

Here's Mary followed by all the other "Aries actresses" who turned up in my Google search. All of them gorgeous. Thank God I did not know any of them. I would have gone nuts. When my mom once asked me, "When are you going to get married?" I answered, "I don't know. It's hard to pick just one woman." I know they're probably all commies but they're cute and, even better, there's something fiery and independent about them that's very attractive.

Shirley Jones as Laurie in "Oklahoma!"

Doris Day.

And Doris with Ronnie.

Debbie Reynolds.

Jayne Mansfield whose daughter is Marissa Hargitay ("Law and Order") who was in the back seat of the car when her mom was beheaded in a freak accident and her head landed on her lap.